I Never Thought It Will Be This Hard

Maybe this post will be my last post in Indonesia until July 2011. Yes, I am leaving tonight to Switzerland. I know, it's only for 11 months. But still, it's quite long time. I will missed many events with my family or my friends.

At first I thought, I will feel okay, the happy feeling got all over me when I receive the letter from AFS, I am dreaming about living abroad and what will I see, what will I feel, and what will I experience there. Too many things that make me happy. But now, when the time gets closer, I feel nervous, sad. I doubt things. I doubt myself. Can I blend in the family? Can I have friends? I questioned my own capability. I am scared. I am scared of losing my friends, losing my best friends, scared of losing you.


Leaving my family and friends is one of the hardest part of this. I am afraid I cannot be there when they need me. I am afraid not to see my father mother brother and sister and you for this 11 months. I am afraid not to be with them. And friends, they are like my mood booster. If I can't talk to them like I used to, who else gonna me my mood booster?
I am sad. I am scared. It's really hard to leave them in here.

But, I know. They are going to be alright. They are going to be fine here. I really wish they won't forget me. I really hope I can meet them next year.
So I guess, I'll see you soon.
Thank you for everything guys.
For the present, for the sweet words and also for the memories.
You know how much I love you.

It's not a goodbye, but see you again :)